Why Do I Make Art Like This?

When I decided to start stippling the entire face, not just the shadows, it felt like I was breaking a rule.

This is my first time really digging into this feeling instead of briefly acknowledging and dismissing it. This is why I like journaling AND this is why I like using such a slow process to create. It gives me time to sit in the feelings.

So it felt like breaking a rule because it takes sooo long which is not good for productivity. Not good for making sales. Not good for posting content. It also felt like breaking a rule because the only reason I could give myself (or anyone who asked) would be, “I like it.” There’s no deep meaning or secret artistic power that’s unlocked by stippling forever. I just think it’s fun. I’m glad I decided that that was good enough to keep doing it, but it doesn’t stop the question for popping up as I scale my work larger and larger, or as I agree to do more and more exhibits.

Why do I make art like this? Why does it not feel right if it’s not slow?

The answer is still that I like it, but it’s a little bit more than that now. I’ve lived a little longer now, and I’ve seen the way productivity and efficiency are pushed. I’ve seen the way I second guess my free time and wonder if I shouldn’t be doing more. So allowing myself to be slow and inefficient and imperfect in the way I make my art has started to feel political. It actually feels like I’m making a statement to myself. Like, yes people may think it’s stupid to draw one million lines (i’m actually afraid to count how many lines this is. I counted a small SMALL stipple section once and it was hundredssss) but I like doing it. I think it’s fun! I think the perfect day is listening to my playlist that I’ve been adding to since 2008, having a snacky, and stippling. So that’s the answer to that question.